Marriage is Chocolate!

Marriage? What is in this one word that binds the society? Is it really something that is pertinent to a woman’s identity? As is the tag Miss or Mrs gives permanence to a woman’s life. And that a single woman is a burden to her parents even in the 21st century?

Well, I talk about some of the cliched lines I have heard from my parents. Some that still make me think about how my 21st century educated parents seem to conveniently pass on to their daughter. I bet you might think the story is close to your heart too, and unfortunately, that is my biggest concern. It is so many parents out there who are doing this to their own flesh and blood!

Marriage is a compromise — they say!

A compromise of shall we watch ‘DDLJ’ or Shall we go for the grocery shopping. This is adjusting to the surrounding. If I have to let go of my dreams and leave my job just because one of the prospect’s Uncles thought my IT job is not going to make it to the next 5 years. Guess what Uncle it’s been steady for 3 years and I am doing amazing.

Marriage is consent seeking approval — Consent of only the groom!

And yet again I was told that my consent is immaterial. If a guy says yes, I should be on cloud 9 that some guy is ready to marry me.

I should be thanking my starts that this great hero — knight of the bygone times — is ready to give me his surname.

Then , what if I am constantly saying No. What if I think that guy is looking for pallu-clad bahu for his mommy dearest. Why a 22-year-old telling them that she does not want to get married now is so difficult to comprehend.

Marriage is a Career — All other jobs are for men!

And I was told you are earning too well. You are being too demanding and judgemental if you are looking for someone earning like you.

And that I should not be switching jobs, because it will increase my salary and lol where will they find the guy who at least earns double-digit. And so, I was stuck in a highly detrimental job — that made a lasting impact on my career. Good news, I did what was best for my career. I switched! A guy not serious enough about his career is his problem, not mine!

Marriage is a Company — What if I love my own company!

Marry so that you can travel with him! Does this sound too familiar?

Turn your clock 5 years down the lane, and you will hear parents saying the same line to their daughters of marriageable age(And what’s a marriageable age of a girl — is it when she has hit puberty or is it when she is mentally ready for it?) whenever she expressed a desire to go on a trip. Or, maybe you want to attend your friend’s wedding but you hear this — Will you always be attending other’s marriage only?

Marriage is a Choice — only for grooms to choose from the marketable white brides, cultured, and Durability(Sundar,Susheel,Tikau)!

Choice has a gender, and it is masculine. We women can not choose; we are chosen!

Remember telling your parents you are not ok with this guy because he is 31 years and you are only 21. I do, and I heard that I being a girl of colour should be not asking for choices.

Marriage is a Colour — and the colour is White!

For all those not so white girls in India, were you also asked to identify yourself as close to white as possible — with options like wheatish, or ‘chehra saaf hai’(face is whitish)? Or your parents were embarrassed to accept that you are of coloured skin. And what about those extra dabs of ‘Fair and Lovely’, or maybe extra lights were specially put on in the room because you must look ‘Saaf’. I resisted the cream, for one — I definitely knew it would not make me fairer, and the second point — It did not suit me at all.

And you know, my dear parents — I love my caramel skin. And I also love the caramel popcorn instead of the white one.

Marriage is a Cost — that a girl has to pay to be accepted in her new ‘family’

The market asks for the highest bidders to a boy’s education, stature, and position. A girl, if she is educated and earning enough — is an appreciating asset; she will pass on her salary to her in-laws. But what’s wrong if she brings loads of money with her?

And when I told my parents I don’t want to marry someone who is interested in dowry, that I am not a commodity in the stock market that market value is decided by my demand. I am told to stay shut as this is how the world operates.

Dear girls, Marry because the other person is going to enrich your life — with his perspectives, his mature thinking, his adventures. And tell your parents — Marriage is a CHOCOLATE; and like the exotic heavenly cocoa beans, it should comfort your emotions, caress your soul, and captivate your mind.