Three things to learn from my Toxic Relationship

The shortest and yet the most toxic relationships — if there were an award — I would be the recipient of it!

Everything teaches something so here I am to share red flags you can learn from me. Those that I chose to ignore because, let’s face it — I was naïve.

1. It’s me — I’m the good guy — the good Samaritan

Anything well said , well done, well chosen — his words were “It’s me”. IF I suggest a good restaurant , somehow, he will partake in the credit. If I do something nice , it’s his doing as well.

Let’s focus on keywords so that you can identify this traits:

Verbatim: Watch his words. Does he say ‘I’ more than ‘We’? Does he always creep into your good deeds? Does he make sure not to give you genuine credit and praise you only for his vested interests.

Action: When he says , I did this blah blah .. is he serious about it and says it as of he really is the one who did it? Mentally note if really deserves the praise he is showering on himself?

2. It’s me — It’s only about me

If there were choices — his choices mattered. If there is to a movie time — he should be the one deciding it. And when you want to do something — not now! As if his interests are only thing that mattered in a relationship. And mine wishes did not matter because they did not exist. Or, maybe , they existed but were never heard because they were never expressed. Or, maybe , they were expressed but never heard?

Verbatim: Let’s do this — when he means let’s do what I want to do. I want to take you … I want you to do this..

Actions: Do you do things that he wants to do? What is the reaction when you suggest something? Is he open to it or says “Not now”. Does he actually listen to your pauses and silences.

3. It’s (not) me — It’s you

This is an interesting and obvious part. Anything goes south — here comes the blame game — I was responsible. There no accountability on his side. If I tell him — he was hurting me ;pat came the reply : “you also hurt me”. This guy — an a**hole — will manipulate you into believing that it’s your mistake. And often pass on his mistakes as nothing but — I am imagining them or overreacting.

Verbatim : It’s your mistake. And we are (NOT) going to work on this together. you did it — you pay for it!

Actions: Typical blame game. Not understanding your emotions and passing it as your problem of not bringing it up.

I hope these will open your eyes when there’s still time.